Sleepless

You know how the bolting panic when you hear a car crash nearby? The screeching of tires, followed by the sound of breaking glass and crunching metal? And you know how when you hear this sound, you race outside to see if you can help, instinctively and harried?

I heard this last night at 3:20am. I heard it tear through the night, through my sleep and I bolted out of bed and raced to the patio, half naked, eyes burning.

There was nothing out there. No cars, no wreckage, nothing but silence.

Daniel woke up in my panic and calmed me down. Neither of us could get back to sleep, so we woke up and made tea and listened to NPR. My anxiety is stressful for him. I wish I could make it go away.

Just last week, I woke up in a sweat, screaming. Again - kind of freaking him out.

I keep trying to mentally float above this stress but my body is clearly not having any of it. My mouth has finally stopped swelling from stress-induced welts and I've been spotting for almost two weeks.

And seriously? If one more person says, "What do YOU have to be stressed about?!" I will bite off their ear.