|
|
|
February 5th, 2010
07:53 am - You better bring your own sun ...
My sister was on Good Morning America this morning holding up a WHO DAT sign. She's crazy for being up that early, and even crazier for texting me and waking me up before eight a.m. to catch it.
The weather had me way down the last few days. Headaches worse than usual b/c of the storm pressure. womp womp But the sun looks like it might come out today and that would be a welcome sight.
Sleeeeeeeeepy. How am I supposed to function this early?
Oh wait, SPARK!
I'll be back later and more clever when I return.
|
January 29th, 2010
01:36 pm - WHO DAT going to be rocking the Quarter?
I'm heading to New Orleans soon and I'm super excited. We were granted ONE WEEK to launch this project that was supposed to be launched today (see working til midnight all week) and this little reprieve just ensured that I'm going to really be able to r-e-l-a-x.
If you are not reading Little Pam's Adventures in heartache , (start back in October. It only gets better and better) you're missing out on some gut-busting posts. It's encouraged me to go get my Notes of Yore and see what I was tripping about when I was young and full of teenage hormones.
My BFF is flying here in a smidge over three weeks from how. SO EXCITED.
Seriously, I'm leaving the office in 25 minutes. TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES!
|
January 27th, 2010
04:54 pm - My borders are fuzzy
I'm in the almost dangerous, but still funny state of sleep-deprived haziness.
1) I want an iPad. I think the fact that #iTampon is trending high on Twitter is hilarious.
2) Did you see that Twitter Local has gone live?
3) There are awesome new macbook covers that kind of rock hard.
All of these things are taken from what I'm coding/uploading on a new project, which unveils VERY SOON. Probably sooner than I will get a proper night sleep.
The day after tomorrow finds me here:
And there's nothing like blogging all day to make you remember that you have a blog.
|
08:23 am - Hello Lack of Title Inspiration
I didn't sleep but one and a half hours last night. I went to bed half past midnight (I played poker until my eyes crossed) and then woke up TOTALLY PANICKED at 1:30a. I couldn't get back to sleep so I worked on some Web coding and copy for work and then, because life works like this, I finally got sleepy again sometime after 7. So I slept.
Until my first alarm went off at 7:15. And then my second alarm at 7:30, and then my third seconds later. Who sets two alarms for the same time?
I think it's a pharmaceutical thing. I haven't taken heavy painkillers since last week and my roller coaster on-and-off-again pill routine gives me insomnia when I'm off of them. I have Ambien for this, but I don't like to take sleeping pills when Daniel is out of town. Weird, I know. But I don't want to accidentally set the cat of fire in my sleep.
Or MAYBE I DOOOOOOO!
Okay, more tea and delirium and then back to work.
(dream symbols: sniper, stabbed-monkey tree-branch mobile, driving erratically on heavily under-construction road, art teacher, little nieces (I think they were Rachel's), not being able to work my phone to call 911)
|
January 25th, 2010
03:50 pm - I want to be in that number ...
I couldn't be happier. Last night we were on edge, bated breath, shot of tequila at the ready and FREAKING OUT at the anxiety until The Kick Heard Round the World.
Oh LORD it was awesome, such an awesome, awesome night. The SAINTS are going to the SUPERBOWL!!
We will be in New Orleans next weekend for the Krewe de Vieux, and you can bet we'll be collecting Saints gear to don for the big bowl.
WHO DAT!?
|
January 13th, 2010
01:03 pm - Haiti
Days like this need more than prayers.
Donate
|
January 7th, 2010
02:13 pm - I've overdue an update.
And I will get on it.
But for now, I leave you this:
|
November 25th, 2009
09:06 am - gobble gobble
I have so much cooking to do, I'm a little overwhelmed at the prospect of starting. We have to have the following cooked, stored and delivered to Temple, TX by noon tomorrow:
1 turkey
2 x stuffing (one regular herbed, one oyster/bacon stuffing)
1 pan sweet potato casserole
1 pan brussel sprouts
1 giant pan green bean casserole
Enough for 13 people.
Plus I've been gathering up bingo prizes (family tradition, football for the guys, gambling for the ladies) like mad and stressing about should've-shopped-for-by-now birthday gifts (mom, sister), etc.
I'm so excited about it, though stress be damned. My in-laws are going to celebrate their first-ever Thanksgiving with us and my niece's boyfriend is back from Iraq and will be coming along as well. The whole family is here (Rachel flew in last night) and since I missed Christmas last year, this holiday gathering is a long time coming.
Tell me about your Turkey Day traditions!
|
November 19th, 2009
11:55 am - Insert witty title here.
When you forget to post and then time goes by and lots of cool things happen, you want to post a big post and then you forget again and more time and cool things happen and then updating is overwhelming and before you know it a whole month goes by.
So without further ado, a highlight! post.
* Halloween was low key and awesome. Daniel and I watched Zombieland and then checked out the fireworks Eastside.
* Went to Stow-in-the-Wold (try, just TRY to pronounce that without an English accent) for Mehron and Annabel's wedding. We flew first class RT, stayed in an inn built in 947 AD and feasted on the best locally sourced, amazing food (AND CHEESE!) ever.
* Recreated our first date last night (Polvo's + G&S Lounge = WIN) for our fourth anniversary. We celebrate monthly, and both our wedding dates and dating anniversaries. We're *that* couple.
Hmm. Other stuff has happened. I'm leaving out some of the awesome, dammit.
Healthwise, I've had more bad head/skull days than usual, which has been pretty rough and demoralizing. BUT I got a new CT Scan and Angiogram last week (and got sick from the contrast dye, btw. no fun.). My neurosurgeon said shows that the pain is not from a complication, but still post-surgical pain. He said he's had patients still showing these symptoms 12 to 15 months later, but by two years I should be back to normal.
It was supposed to be ONE year, last I heard, but whatever.
Anyway, I'm happy knowing it's nothing else, nothing bad. I just have to keep sucking it up.
* * *
Daniel's parents fly in tonight for a visit. That will be fabulous! And they're going to be here for Thanksgiving, too, which will make it extra awesome. I'm so excited for the holidays this year, moreso than I've been in years.
|
October 26th, 2009
09:45 am
So I kinda OD'd a little yesterday. Not good. I woke up with a headache and instead of taking my Lortab, I reached for my Tramadol instead. Because Tramadol is better for me. Popped two of them and went to breakfast. At breakfast I start to feel seriously ill: nausea, clammy skin, pounding headache, etc. I chalk it up to the drinks I had the night before, although I didn't drink that much, I figured the tequila in the two margaritas was the culprit. Walk outside, get some air, feel better.
Then start to feel worse. Ugh. I was a zombie, an in-pain zombie. Everything I put in my mouth made me want to vom. So I stopped trying. And my head was still killing me. And since I remembered it had been six hours since my last Tramadol, I popped another one.
That's when things got significantly worse. I got the shivers, shallow breathing, I was doubling over with tummy ache and then, finally, mercifully, vomited. Everything. It was so gross.
Daniel helped me back to bed and gave me some water and said since I threw up, I could take another half-tab of Tramadol for my head when I felt my stomach was ready. This is when the light came on for me. I picked up my bottle and read the dosing: 1 tablet every eight hours.
I was following the dosing schedule for Lortab, 2 every 4-6 hours. This was a stupid, stupid mistake. I made myself this sick. I was so pissed.
Daniel and I checked a couple of Web sites to ensure a trip to the ER wasn't necessary. Thank GOD. But I couldn't sleep because I was worried I would stop breathing (CNS depression is the most common potentially fatal side effect.) and I couldn't do anything about my headache. I managed to log in a couple of hours sometime in the night, but it was fitful sleep. The worst kind.
Yeah, big fun with pharmaceuticals.
|
October 16th, 2009
04:15 pm - "I've got a fever above my waist"
Killing an hour. It seems that most of the office left for the day and lots of our sister office is out for a memorial service, and I'm all caught up on everything (I can only work my Big October Assignment in small chunks before I lose the voicing) except cleaning my workspace, which I'm not in the mood to do. So, I've pulled a chair outside and I'm listening to Tori Amos on this gorgeous windy day that actually feels like Fall.
Went to the mall earlier for eye moisturizer and got a lip gloss trio FREE because Sephora loves me (the annual birthday lip gloss trio. I got mine in March and went in to buy Bronzed Beauty but they were SOLD OUT, so they tossed it in my bag as a "OH HAI! It's your NOT-BIRFDAY!" gift.) and Mac is sold out of the Most! Awesome! nail polish ever so I have to order it online.
I had initially gone to the mall to buy a new set of sheets and failed miserably at this task. But mark my words, before the work week commences on Monday, I WILL have new sheets, dammit. I can't sleep on the ones we have now because our mattress pad stretched them to death and we somehow lost one half of our backup set (the fitted half) and the jersey spare set is driving me crazy. I need well-made, strong, soft and preferably a nice shade of union gray set before I can have sweet dreams again.
(I have had discomforting dreams the last two nights, each replete with symbology that weirds me out and makes me dive into a clatter of paranoia until I can get the morning tea properly in me. I don't like it. At all.)
Aside from that, nothing new. I swear everyone at work (incl. Daniel and myself) have alternated between feeling fine, then fighting something off, then feeling fine again. It's like our immune systems are almost strong enough to not catch whatever is going around, and then they fail, but only a little. I would rather have whatever is going around and kick it in a few days than constantly feel like I'm on the brink of the flu. Meh.
|
October 8th, 2009
08:23 pm - Whoops.
I accidentally (still have to retype that word every time. ACCIDENTLY is not how it's spelled, ya'll.) got a little drunk waiting for The Office tonight.
I always drink too much at weddings.
|
October 5th, 2009
12:00 pm - ACL — highlights
+/-
+ John Legend (Whoa FOXY.)
+ Them Crooked Vultures (WHOA LOUD!)
+ Flogging Molly
+ Heartless Bastards (their slow stuff betrays the ROCK)
+ Fay on Saturday and Lexa on Sunday. That was definitely a highlight, I think. Good talks.
- Daniel left Friday sick
- Daniel still sick
- It rained SO HARD on Saturday all of my rain gear gave me the finger and I was soaked and cold
- The STENCH on Sunday, paired with the humidity and sun, was awful. I know that Dillo Dirt is treated so there's no bacteria from the human waste left in it, but still. Just the thought of it. I left early.
* * * * * * * *
So much happening at work, so many things percolating on the side — now that Mercury is out of retrograde, things are HAPPENING.
And I leave back to England in four weeks.
♡
|
September 30th, 2009
08:12 am - Lateralization
It's officially been SIX MONTHS since they sliced my scalp, removed a piece of my skull, separated my lobes and took a tiny titanium clip to the bi-lobal aneurysm squished up against my optic nerve.
I can't wrap my head (ha!) around how much unbelievable pain I went through in the beginning stages of my recovery. How hard it was to walk the 5 steps to from my bed to the toilet. How scary and painful taking a shower was with those 27 staples all angry and raw. How worried I was about the words coming out of my mouth all wrong, words being my lifeline. I took so many pain pills and was never pain-free in the beginning and I was scared shitless that these headaches would be forever. How grateful I was that I woke up in the first place, with all of my functions still in place — able to walk, talk and remember everything. Compared to this community of survivors, coming out on the other side of this completely unscathed, I'm in the tiniest minority. My family couldn't have been more supportive. My husband was there for every step along the way. My friends... well, nothing shows true colors more than something like this. My friends have my friendship for life.
I've learned a lot about pain and a lot about dependability and a lot about the resilience of the human body and how much it relies on the human spirit.
One of these new meds is working. I've been (mostly) pain-free for 5 days. Happy half-anniversary to my brain. They say I'm halfway there. I say that finish line is in my line of sight.
|
September 29th, 2009
05:30 pm - I haven't updated in twenty days.
I had a blast in England. Got to spend some quality time with my sisters-in-law (and other wonderful in-laws) and that was pretty awesome. It was such a short trip though, and while we're heading back over there in a month from now, we probably won't see the family since we're heading somewhere in the middle of the country. (Stow-on-the-Wold, to be specific.)
* * * * * *
My meds have been changed once again (so for those of you keeping score, that's allergy meds, a 24-hour anti-inflammatory, heavy non-narcotic headache pain reliever, a sleep med and permission to take the narcotic (the one I'm trying to wean off of, AGAIN), if needed). Good times.
I slept a total of two hours last night, and that's WITH sleep medicine. I called the pharmacist at my HEB, who I swear sounds like a stoned hippie drug dealer who never gives a straight answer. You can HEAR him looking up interactions in the big Drug book (hello, thanks, I have the Internet) and he literally answered my question of:
"When I looked up Trazodone and Tramadol, they showed a big interaction, but I was prescribed these to take with drug XYZ. Is that okay?"
with, "Um, uhhhh wellllllll ummmmmm uhhhhhhhhhuh I thiiiink sooo.... umm... possible CNS depression ....umm, yeah it's okay."
He added on a quick, "butcheckwithyourdoctor" at the end of it.
YOU ARE THE PHARMACIST. It's after hours! All I want to know are my chances of accidental Heath Ledgering in my sleep! (Too soon?)
I told him that his lack of confidence in his own answer made me feel uneasy taking his advice. Are they doing bong hits in the HEB? And if so, why aren't they at least offering me something sweet to nibble on?
* * * * * *
My man got sick and I fought off whatever it was he had and now the Swine has felled one coworker and that means it's only a matter of time before it gets me, too. Which, whatever, it's just a flu right? And I can stand to lose a few sick pounds.
* * * * *
ACL is this weekend and I'm going if the weather is in the eighties. Otherwise, no way. I may have been able to go to the Jazz Fest a month after the surgery, but that was with VIP treatment and heavy, heavy narcotics. Now? Not so much.
Happy thought for the day?
MERCURY IS OUT OF RETROGRADE
Hallelujah!
|
September 9th, 2009
11:38 am - Big Silver Bird!
Flying out to the UK today, flying back on Monday. I have a book, a journal and my ipod all charged up.
These trips are coming at me so quickly, I can't believe how fast this year is flying by.
The whole "Oh I'm gonna stop taking meds full stop!" thing? STUPID IDEA. Turns out the reason I was feeling better in the first place WAS the meds. Chicken/egg/chicken/egg. After two days of the worst headache ever, I relented. I'm still pushing myself and being a bad ass, but I'll just be a medicated bad ass.
I don't tell you guys enough, but I love you all to pieces! Thanks for always being awesomely supportive.
♡
|
September 4th, 2009
11:10 am - First week of Awesome.
I embraced the suck every single day this week and the results were pretty cool. Well, for the most part. I was grumpy a whole lot (and this is very much unlike me), because of the pain and exhaustion, but I worked a full work day every day this week and made dinners and did laundry and last night I actually went out.
That's right. I went out. Not just dinner and then straight home, as has been the usual status quo since diagnosis (we're talking 22 weeks, including wait time before operation, with the exception of the Sunflower reunion), but dinner AND the Horseshoe Lounge. Met up with Rachel and D for nom noms at Romeo's and then played shuffleboard and sang along with the jukebox for a couple of hours. I was the designated driver, of course, but I still had fun. It was a nice escape from the usual and it did wonders in making me feel closer to normal than I have in ages.
I still haven't figured out the magic recipe to kicking these pills. I'm down to half a pill everynight, since I can't get what little sleep I manage to get without it (my legs spasm and I get all anxious). I tried a 1/4 dose, but it didn't work and I tossed and clenched my jaw all night until I took the other 1/4 (and since I'm getting all this PT on my jaw right now, clenching is a giant no-no).
Since this is a long weekend, I think I might experiment with a sleeping pill instead. Maybe if I knock myself out three days in a row, it will be long enough to kick what's left of these meds out of my system. And then come Monday night, I'll give natural sleep a try and see what happens.
It's an experiment anyway.
(I need to mark the number three today. For record keeping.)
And I got to meet ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pumabear for the first time yesterday! She came to the office with a hardback Imzadi book and a milagro of St.Therese. Total class act.
|
September 1st, 2009
11:15 am - Would'st thy fortune like to see?
I had a series of mishaps on Friday, the most painful of which consisted of me slamming the back of my head into my desk as I was plugging in my laptop. I went home early and laid on the couch generally feeling sorry for myself and lost myself in thought about how it's been 20 weeks since the surgery and I'm still not back in fighting form. I've been at 85% for a couple of months now.
I pulled out my old tarot deck for a reading, something I haven't done in a VERY long time and got some really good insight into what I think may be the key to getting back to where I need to be.
Here's the spread:
The first card, the High Priestess represents me, in a place open and ready to receive inspiration and insight, like a vessel in waiting, really. But significantly, the cause for all actions. There's nothing/no one influencing me, but me.
My past and present cards (Judgment and the Magician, reversed) are indicative of stagnation and sluggishness, inability to break out and feelings of failure and inadequacy. Not moving, not going anywhere, certainly not making progress.
My future card, Death reversed, shows that much is much the same if I stay on this path, but, and this is important, of not being able to let go of something that's over. Of being stuck.
My underlying influence, the Star reversed, again, much of the same. Hopelessness, feelings of "I can't." Trying to find meaning to make change. Nothing changes, nothing progresses, everything is standing still.
Which is exactly how I feel. Hopelessly watching these weeks fly by with nothing new to offer.
So I did some thinking on it over the weekend. Watching myself and listening to my excuses for not doing some things and hearing just how many times I say, "My head hurts." out loud. (A lot.)
And from all of this, I've come to the realization that the final 15% that I've been waiting on is no longer a physical impediment, but perhaps a mental one. If I flip this script and approach every day the way I used to, maybe I will feel like I used to.
It's a big step, because as tired and OVER the whole brain surgery/recovery I am, it's become an unfortunate part of my identity. There's some very real fear involved. If I'm all the way recovered and I fail, it's not something that I can blame on anything else. I have to own up to my limits as what they are. And if I'm well for a long time and I relapse w/ have a bad run of days, then I'll feel like no one believes it because I've been well so long. These are only excuses though, and aren't worth how good it will feel to be better. I recognize that.
Yesterday I kicked ass. Today I'm on the right track to do the same. If I'm the only thing standing in the way of The Awesome, then I'm going to step right aside and let it through.
☆
|
August 26th, 2009
09:26 am - Hanging tough, staying hungry ...
I'M. STILL. SICK.
For the love of God WHY am I still sick?! I came down with a terribly ill-timed stomach bug Friday that lasted all weekend and into Monday. Nothing sucks like losing an ENTIRE weekend to sick. And Sunday/Monday the other Very Painful Stomach issues started and led into Tuesday where last night my tummy looked distended, was a bowl full of cramps and was HARD, ya'll. It was like rock-hard abs, only on a bloated stomach. To combat this I have been eating pears, prunes, Bifidiuos Regularis™ (whatever the hell that means) yogurts and Milk of Magnesia. And I've got nothing to show for it. NOTHING.
I can't believe I'm talking about my bowels on the Internet. HELLO INTERNET.
I also started physical therapy for my jaw. Apparently when I was intubated (such a lovely word) my jaw misaligned ever so slightly, causing my bite to be off and all kinds of subsequent pain and tension in my jaw and neck. Know what happens when you get pain and tension in your neck and jaw? It hurts your head. That's double-compounded head pain for those keeping score.
So, I've had a couple of days with my mouth being stretched out by a really nice lady in latex gloves. It feels just as dirty and awkward as that sounds. It hurts. But the pain is the path. I've had PT two out of the last three days and it seems I've had a dramatic reduction in head pain.
OR. My stomach feeling like it's going to explode and my jaw feeling like it's been pulled like play-dough is distracting.
All of the above means I haven't been able to sleep more than a couple of furtive hours each night.
But, and this is important, I'm not down for the count. I'm still going to see Wicked tomorrow night and I'm still going to get all my ducks in a row so the rest of the year flows smoothly. I'm still fighting, dammit!!
Also, True Blood rocks.
The end.
|
August 20th, 2009
10:41 am - "Like sisters, blanket friends."
Headaches. I'm so tired of headaches. I'm doing my best to heal quietly and let this pain be a catharsis and let it show me how amazing this body of mine is. But it sucks. I've been in pain for coming up on 19 weeks straight. Every. Single. Day.
This weekend was a good one. I didn't go to my parents, because my mom is ill (she thought it was a virus, but it hasn't gone away and she's going to the Dr. tomorrow) so I stayed in ATX and buckled down on my Best of Austin deadline. Which I met, but I always ALWAYS wait until the last possible minute and then freak out and in the freakout, release the Awesome.
Saw District 9 and while it was REALLY GOOD, it was almost Tarantino in its bloodiness. God bless the Alamo Drafthouse, I couldn't imagine watching a movie anywhere else. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've seen a movie outside of the Alamo in ... three years? Something like that.
The IMAX doesn't count.
Went to brunch @ Cantina Laredo to see Supa Soul Sound System do their (his) thing and met up with the neighbors for some drinks and noms. I had the noms, as drinking is really out of the picture now that I'm back on heavier doses of the meds. But MAN are their NOMS good. They make a guacamole that's pretty spectacular (though not as nom as mine) and an apple pie that will make you wet yourself. Luckily, I brought a change of pants.
I fell in love with my husband all over again this weekend. Every time I think I couldn't possibly love him more, I fall all over again. He's a good man, that one. And he's being ever-so patient listening to me freak out about the One Day when it comes to kids and then freak out about Running Out of Time and then freak out all over again about MAH FREEEEDOMS. He just kisses me and makes me tea and tells me over and over how its going to be wonderful once it happens.
What else? Had monthliversary @ Ranch 616 on Tuesday. Rachel flew back from Hawaii. We have little tiny black ants in the kitchen. Talked to Robert, who got the olive wood cross I sent him. He's trying to keep things lighthearted, but I couldn't talk long without crying so I didn't talk long. That strength of that man amazes me. I got my hair cut again, this time with Extra Rock. Shout out to AA for being so wonderful. Made an appt. for my jaw. And now I'm getting things together for September, because when it comes, the rest of the year will FLY BY.
That's a little scary, huh?
|
|
|
